The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
