Having a random hookup so left but love u
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
