i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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