we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it because I queefed?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
