is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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