So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
