Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
