I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
