I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
