And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
