Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
