I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
