If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
