Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
