Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
