apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
