Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
