Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
