party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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