My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
