Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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