I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
