Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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