I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
