Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
