So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
