before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
