I hope mine doesn't look like that
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
