white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
