You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
did i just pee glitter
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
