Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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