So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
