well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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