I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He did a backflip because drugs
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