i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
