i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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