allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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