I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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