i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
