if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
pop tarts are not kleenex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
