I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
