omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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