smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
