Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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