I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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