he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Found the puke drawer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
