i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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