Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
