There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
