you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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