She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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