There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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