Someone shit on the floor
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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